http://events.constantcontact.com/register/event?llr=455lm4iab&oeidk=a07ea4zrq9k00de1024
Do you ever have to deal with difficult people? Even people who are angry?
When you are with a difficult person you may not have the advantage of already showing them The ACT Matrix diagram. If the person is angry, then you probably won’t get very far trying to show them diagram anyway.
With that said, you want The ACT Matrix inside of your head before you start dealing with difficult or angry people. Having the diagram in your head will allow you and the person you are dealing with to find a way through difficult waters.
The good news is that getting diagram in your head is easy. Look at the diagram and quickly run through the ten (10) points.
1. Notice your five senses.
2. Notice recalling your five senses in your mind.
3. Notice the difference between your five senses and mental experiencing.
4. Recall how it feels to move toward someone who is important to you.
5. Recall how it feels to move away from something inside of you like fear.
6. Notice the difference between how it feels to recall moving toward and moving away.
7. List a few people (spouse, friends, family, etc.) who are important to you.
8. List some of the thoughts and feelings (like fear) that can get in the way of moving toward who’s important.
9. List some of the behaviors that you do (like avoid) to move away from the unwanted stuff.
10. List some behaviors you could do to move toward who’s important to you.
If you have the matrix and those ten points in your mind, then it’s much easier to deal with difficult people. Let’s run through the process:
You need to know who (and also what) are important to you going into ANY situation, but this is especially true when you deal with difficult people. Your actions need to ultimately be workable for valued living, and not just to move you away from the feelings that show up when a difficult person shows up in your life.
Have a good idea of the behaviors you usually do to try and get rid of or lessen uncomfortable stuff inside of you like running from fear and yelling to reduce anger. Notice if you do one of those and notice if it’s workable for valued living.This is NOT to say you won’t make away moves when around difficult people; of course you will. However, some of the away moves need to work for valued living. Don’t worry, that get’s easier with practice.
Practice noticing what shows up inside of you when you get around difficult people. Is it anger, frustration or annoyed? Once again, this can take some practice. The best way is to find a difficult person and then notice what shows up inside of you. You simply practice noticing what shows up inside of you, don’t worry about workable responding to the difficult person at that point in the process. You are just practicing noticing what shows up inside of you. Later you can use assertive responses you know or learn.
Above all notice if you get the urge to do an away move like yell or avoid. Again, you are not doing anything at this point, you are just noticing the urge. Noticing your urges while around difficult people is the key to dealing with them effectively.
If you would like to learn more about dealing with difficult people using the ACT Matrix diagram, check out one of Dr. Polk’s training dates:
Be well,
Kevin
www.drkevinpolk.com
Leave a Reply